Sister Faustina Kowalska: Her LIfe and MIssion

the Blessed Sacrament. Here the re could be no doubt th a t God was p resen t, though inaccessible to her. Lying prone in the shape of a cross or kneeling gazing a t the Tabernacle, she adm itted h e r despair, he r powerless­ ness, and begged for mercy. "Jesus, my Spouse, do y o u not see that my souC is dying 6ecause o f its longing fo r you? Sfozo can yo u hide yourse lf from a heart that loves yo u so sincerely?' (Diary, Notebook I, para. 25). But God was silent. This ha rd in terio r struggle, las ting for months, exhausted h e r s treng th . She weakened physically and could perform h e r duties only with difficulty. Pale, with shadows under h e r bloodshot eyes, she evoked pity by h e r appearance and many sisters approached the Superior with the reques t th a t th e ir obviously suffering companion be helped. Both the Superior and the Directress did all they could to relieve h e r lot. She was released from the more onerous duties a t work, and all sp iritua l exercises were suspended, for she was to lim it h e rse lf to short ejaculatory prayers. Bu t how difficult it was perform th is minimum! So the year moved into spring, and with i t came Lent. S ister F au s tina joined h e r sp iritual agony to th a t of Christ’s Passion. And suddenly, on Good Friday, she received the longed-for grace: the sensation of the nearness of the beloved God inflamed h e r soul. I t lasted only a short time; like a flash, b u t in th a t flash she understood how much Je su s h ad suffered for her. For her! A wave of love engulfed her hea rt. And when darkness shortly re tu rned again, there remained the longing and th i r s t to love God, perhaps a painful comfort, b u t one which gave hea ling to he r aching h ea rt. She snuggled into th is sensation, remembered and remained within it, forgetful of suffering. I t was a lifeline to which she clung grimly, like a drowning man. 91