Sister Faustina Kowalska: Her LIfe and MIssion

"One day, ju s t as I f a d awakened, when I was putting myseCf in t fe presence o f Qod, I was suddenCy over- whetmed by despair. Compfete darkness in t fe souk I fough t as best I could t i l l noon. In t fe afternoon, truly deadly fears began to seize me; my physical strength began to leave me. I went quickly to my cell, f e l l on my knees before t fe Crucifix and began to cry out fo r mercy. (But Jesus d id not hear my cries. I f e l t my physical strength leave me completely. I f e l l to t fe ground... I wanted to go and see the ‘Directress, but was too weak- I wanted to shout but I had no voice." (Diary, Notebook I, para. 24). "‘When my soul began to sink, into this despair, I fe l t that t fe end was near. (But I seized my little crucifix and clutched i t tightly in my hand... and though I wanted to go to my Superiors, I no longer had the physical strength. I uttered my last words: "I trust in ;your (Mercy!" - and i t seemed to me that I provoked Qod to an even greater anger. S ind now I was drozimed in despair and a ll that was left me was a moan o f unadul­ terated pain which, from time to time, tore i tse l f from my soul... ‘Every recollection o f Qod opened up an unspeakable ocean o f suffering, and yet despite this there is something within the sou l which is drazim to (Him, though it seems to her fo r this only - that she suffer more. *2 he memory o f the love w ith which Qod formerly surrounded it is s t i l l another k in d o f suffering. His gaze pierces it, and everything zvithin the sou l is burned by this gaze." (Diary, Notebook I, para. 101). 88