Sister Faustina Kowalska: Her LIfe and MIssion

out a new system of dealing with he rse lf unlike th a t she had already achieved. B u t above all, she had to comprehend th is new kind of obedience, which, because i t forbade discussion, more th an once led to m isunder­ standings, and even to undeserved hum iliation , especial­ ly in those cases where personal animosities or the irrita tion of the person giving an order affected her. Helena, who was very sensitive and anxious to do well, and also used to personal independence, had g rea t difficulties in subm itting to the demands of holy obedience. Indeed she quickly realised i t m us t be accepted with in terio r consent, b u t i t was h a rd and painful to learn. However, as she was learn ing to fulfil the will of God, she p u t h e r whole self into it, try ing to satisfy the demands of obedience. But th is was by no means all. The most tho rny point lay elsewhere. The most difficult th ing to bear was the lim itation of time for prayer, which was dictated by the demands of h e r work, which were g rea te r for the coadjutrix s is te r th an for a member of the firs t choir. Helena was frequently reproved for spending too much time in prayer, for "only wanting to pray all the tim e .” After all, the main reason she h ad chosen the religious life was the conviction th a t everything in i t was subordinated to th e need for prayer. Logically speaking, for someone with such a strong predisposition to contemplative prayer and mysticism, the proper place would have been a contemplative order. Helena was born to be a contemplative and h e r soul was developing in th a t direction. Therefore she fe lt the lim itations, in the sphere holiest and d ea res t to her, in a most painful manner. She was ye t to learn t h a t work is prayer, th a t it does no t d isturb even contemplation, from Jesu s Himself. She had to undergo a long schooling from Je su s in order to possess and become fam iliar with this skill. Before th is occurred, she fruitlessly a ttem p ted to fit he rse lf within the too-narrow framework of h e r p resen t possibilities. 62