George Matulaitis Journal

91 I would not have had the strength to overcome those temptations. All glory and thanks to You, O God! And may the Lord Jesus be thanked and praised, for it is He who shows us how to carry every cross. I also thank the most Blessed Virgin, who defends and intercedes for all who are in distress. When so many difficulties beset me, how often did my arms fall down helplessly by my side and my feet become so numb that I could not take another step. But You gave me strength, Lord. When I was beset by dark- ness, You lighted my way by the example of Your Son Jesus Christ, the most brilliant of all brightly shining stars. You comforted and refreshed me with your greatest graces. What can I, wretched creature that I am, give You in return, O God, for all that you have done for me? I shall take up Your Son’s cross, which You have graciously placed upon my shoul- ders, and I shall carry it. O Jesus, I dedicate myself to Your Church and to the salvation of souls redeemed with Your blood. “If we have died with him, then we shall live with him. If we hold firm, then we shall reign with him” (2 Tm 2:12). What an amazing thing! While I had not yet decided to give up everything to follow Jesus who led a life of poverty, humiliation, obedience, hard work and who endured hardship, persecution, and suffering, people hardly took any notice of me. They even kept me away from all kinds of positions and honors. I had been called an enemy of the Church, a liberal, a socialist, 1 a Chekist, 2 and so on. But as soon as I had taken the first step really to walk in the footsteps of Christ, people began to offer me important and influential positions: they wanted to make me rector of a seminary or a canon. After I had been appointed Vice Rector of the Academy (of St. Petersburg) without my consent, rumors spread that I would soon be made auxiliary bishop or rector. Before we started to get organized 3 in earnest, even the civil authorities kept quiet about Catholic religious activities and associations. But as soon as we began to put our plans into action, the government began a new wave of religious persecution: homes were 1 These epithets probably refer to Matulaitis’s work in Warsaw in 1905-1906, when he helped organize a Christian workers’ association according to the social principles set down by Pope Leo XIII. Certain mem- bers of the clergy and nobility disapproved. 2 The Cheka was actually founded in 1917 by the Communists. It was a special commission for the repression of counter revolutionaries and the predecessor of the NKVD and KBG. However, the term was also used before 1917 to refer to the Czar’s secret police. 3 Referring to his project of restoring the Marian Congregation and conducting a secret novitiate at the Theological Academy.