Sister Faustina Kowalska: Her LIfe and MIssion

more strongly u rg ing h e r to act, and on the other He perm itted h e r to unde rtake no th ing w ithou t the ap­ proval of h e r confessor and superiors. The la t te r all counselled waiting, and - so fa r - avoided giving a final decision. So, practically speaking, the one cancelled out the other. She prayed: "O E terna l‘Truth, ‘Word Incarnate., zvho most fa ith fu lly fu l f i l led ‘Jo u r fa th e r 's uri.II, today I am becoming a martyr o f ‘Jo u r inspirations, since I cannot carry them out because I have no zvid o f my ozvn, though interiorly I see ‘/o u r zvid clearly. I submit in everything to the zvid o f my superiors and confessor. I zvid fodozv / o u r zvid insofar as / o u zvid permit me to do so through /o u r representative. O my Jesus, it cannot be helped, but I give priority to the voice o f the Church over the voice zvith zvhich / o u sp e a f to me." (Diary, Notebook I, para . 197). Nevertheless, the though t t h a t Je su s ’ wishes were as ye t unfulfilled torm en ted h e r conscience and was h a rd e r and h a rd e r to bear. In th e end, the longing to do something active was g re a te r th an all h e r o ther feel­ ings: 7 understood that a d striving fo r perfection and a d sanctity consist in doing Qod's zvid... / o receive Qod's light and recognize zvhat Qod zvants o f us and ye t not do it is a great offense against the majesty o f Qod. Such a sou l deserves to be completely forsaken by Qod. I t resembles Lucifer, zvho had great light, but d id not do Qod's zvid... O Jesus, grant me the grace to p u t /o u r zvid into practice as I have come to knozv it, O Qod." (Diary, Notebook II, para . 666). 243