Marian Helper • Summer 2023 • Marian.org 5 Tasya had begun an impure relationship, however, and when he was alone, Leo struggled with a pornography addiction. In the past, he had confessed these sins and truly wanted to stop committing them, but it was hard. Eventually, knowing he would fall into his impure habits again, Leo thought, “What’s the point of going to Confession?” Then, knowing he could not receive Holy Communion, he had decided there was not much point in going to Mass, either. Leo filled his Sundays with hobbies and community service, hoping that by wearing the Brown Scapular and doing good works, he could be saved. “I was lying to myself,” he admits, “throughout the whole experience” — even after Tasya had urged him back through the church doors. One night, a few weeks after that whispered conversation in the pew, Leo searched YouTube for something to watch before bed. A video of an artist’s depiction of hell caught his attention. It was already 11:30 p.m., and Leo didn’t expect to finish the 45-minute video, but it looked interesting, so he clicked the play button. Panic attack Before Leo finally managed to finish the video two hours later, he had the first panic attack of his life. “I started to see, one by one, all my sins,” he says. “No torment can compare to not having God. If God is pure love, pure happiness — take all that away, and what do you have?” The answer, of course, is hell, and Leo decided he was ready to do anything to avoid going there. Resolved to go to church the next day, Leo tried to calm himself down by watching a movie, but quickly shut it off and began praying the Rosary. Finally, Leo fell asleep in the arms of the Blessed Mother. The next morning, Leo was in the pew for First Saturday Mass. After Mass, he made his Confession, completed his penance, and rejoined the faithful for the Rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet. Everything changes From that morning, everything changed. Leo re-proposed to Tasya; the couple committed themselves to chastity and set a wedding date — May 18, 2019. The wait of 408 days was extremely difficult, but the couple began attending Mass more frequently, including on First Saturdays, and discovered “the graces that the Blessed Mother gives are just unfathomable.” Leo purged his life of triggers that might lead him back into his pornography addiction. When a friend invited him to join the Knights of Columbus, Leo accepted — “if you’ll help make sure I never lose my faith again and never stop going to Confession.” One day in church, Leo found a pamphlet about St. Faustina’s visions of Purgatory, hell, and Heaven. “It brought me right back to that night” when he had resolved to amend his life, he recalls, and inspired him to pray the Chaplet regularly. In 2018, Tasya expressed interest in attending the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA); Leo offered to go with her. At the classes, Leo was reintroduced to Church teachings he had learned in long-forgotten Catholic school lessons and discovered more truths of the faith, as he and Tasya delved into the Catechism of the Catholic Church to find answers to their questions. When Tasya received the Sacraments at Easter Vigil 2019, she took Faustina as her Confirmation saint. ‘End up smiling’ Today, as a married couple, Leo and Tasya remain active in the life of their parish, attending weekly Eucharistic Adoration and serving as lectors. Leo is a fourth degree Knight and a member of the bishop’s honor guard. Tasya works for the Diocese of Springfield, helping to recruit new priests. Before the birth of their son, Milo Paul, in 2022, the couple suffered three miscarriages, an experience that led them to service in St. Zelie’s Hope, a ministry to parents who have lost children. Leo still wears the Brown Scapular; he wants to encourage every Catholic to wear it and to pray the Rosary daily. In his work at a family-run heating and air conditioning business, Leo freely discusses faith and prayer with his boss, co-workers, and even clients. They share what God has done for them and always “end up smiling.” As he reflects on God’s merciful intervention in his own life, Leo can’t help smiling through tears himself. “I don’t know why it happened, but it happened,” he says. “It can happen to anybody.”
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