Marian Helper Fall 2015

In a relationship where one person won’t accept that they wronged the other, you cannot have harmony. If, for instance, I know my friend thinks he did noth- ing wrong in spreading something I told him in con- fidence, I also know he will do it again, and I won’t want to risk telling him my secrets again. Forgiveness depends upon “me;” reconciliation depends upon “us.” While God requires me to unconditionally forgive the business partner who cheats me, he does not require that I stay in business with him. Myth 2: Forgiveness means forgetting what happened. We don’t have to pretend we are not hurt. That is not forgiveness; that is lying . The human mind is amazing, but it does not have the ability to forget at will. Forgiveness is not denying the reality of our pain. Myth 3: Forgiveness requires release from consequences. Suppose I’ve just stolen $1,000 from you. I say, “I sincerely repent of my actions. I will never do it again. Please forgive me.” Do I get to keep the $1,000 because I apologized? What is repentance worth if I keep the money? If I don’t return what I stole, my supposed repen- tance is hollow and meaningless; I have no intention to turn frommy previous behavior. When Zacchaeus repented of stealing from Jews by inflating their taxes, he offered to pay it back (see Lk 19:1-10). People can be for- given and still have to pay for their crime — that’s why God has many souls pass through purgatory before they can enter heaven. We have to face the consequences of breaking the law of the land or the law of God. Myth 4: If they are not sorry, I should not forgive. If someone stole from you and did not repent, they may not remain your friend. But should you forgive them? You certainly can’t restore the relationship, but you can and should forgive. While repentance and remorse are necessary to receive forgiveness, they are not prerequisites for granting forgiveness. You are not likely to hear the person who jumped in front of you at the grocery store line repent, but you should still for- give them and move on. Your repentance is necessary to receive God’s for- giveness and restore our relationship with him. But their repentance is not necessary to grant forgiveness. So let us imitate Pastora and ask for the Blessed Virgin Mary’s intercession — that we may be faith- ful in forgiving and so open ourselves to receiving the mercy of God. F orgiveness Continued from page 25 MH Provide a secure future for yourself and for the Church. To learn about receiving fixed payments for your lifetime through a charitable gift annuity: l Visit marian.org/plannedgiving l Emai l [email protected] l Call (413) 298-1380. Help make Divine Mercy part of her future