509 part iv: meditations for weekly retreats of contempt we estimate ourselves to be worms, this is most true; or if we judge ourselves deserving of any punishment, affliction, cross, and oppression, neither is this discordant from the truth of the matter. Certainly, we, as individuals or a community, offend God, the Father of all, and hurt Him by our serious evil deeds; we are deserving of all torments, hardships, and tortures. If you have your soul already trained in this aspect and you perceive these things, you should give the greatest thanks for them to the Highest Good, or you should at least try to do so. If, however, you find it to be different in your case, you should lament very much that you did not succeed and that you were not permitted to imitate your most humble Savior in the holy virtue of humility. Now, resolve to start truly building your perfection from this virtue, as from the foundation of all other virtues, lest, building on the air, you be dashed down, ruined, and perish, even by the least blowing of pride or vainglory. 2. To let the white shine even more in comparison to the black, focus your mind on examining pride. Consider how much more your spirit should seek the sublime now, when you are already in the sacred Order, as opposed to the time when you wandered along the crossroads of Babylon, that is, the world. How important you felt, how puffed up with pride then! With what arrogance you always wanted to be placed above everyone, subject to no one; to be always singularly admired, never despised. But now, since the time of your admission into religious life, think how many times you bore derisions, or perhaps, how many times you were angry only because some things were contrary to your honor, reputation, and authority? And if you did not use any occasion to lower and humiliate yourself, consider who and what kind of person you would be if you used such occasions to your advantage. dering why our Lord was so fond of this virtue of humility, and this thought came to me — in my opinion not as a result of reflection but suddenly: It is because God is supreme Truth; and to be humble is to walk in truth, for it is a very deep truth that of ourselves we have nothing good but only misery and nothingness.” The identity of this “certain Doctor” is not known.
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